IT'S NOT TOO SOON FOR 2016

Announcing the 2016 Presidential Candidate Boot Camp-Just $19.95

I'm excited to announce a new training camp for those who would be president in 2016, because it's simply too late for the bozo's running now. For just $19.95, payable in three easy installments of $26.95, you'll learn the essentials of running for president. Why so cheap, you ask? Well, it turns out that running for president is no longer the exclusive preserve of those who are actually qualified to be president. No, anyone with a haircut and a tenuous grip on reality can run today and expect to claim number one in the polls, if only for a few minutes.
Got pesky little problems with serial infidelity? No problem, as long as you cheated on your wife with a member of the same species we can help. Are you asking for the vote of millions of people who will puke their guts out if they find out your position on issues they hold dear? No problem, our "Flip-Flopping for Votes" training module will bail you out.
And be sure to check out our "Monetizing Your Candidacy" workshop. Any candidate worth his salt can parlay a failed run for president into a commentators job on cable TV and a book deal simply by following our patented action plan, consisting of a can of hairspray, dentures, and a total disregard for common decency.
If you have no shame this training course is guaranteed to provide for a life of luxury and ease. Enroll soon, there are limited seats available.